14 THINGS I’VE LEARNED SINCE CORONA

I'm not one of those people who say I'm looking upon Corona as a learning experience. However I have drawn a few painful conclusions.

1. You CANNOT pay your cleaner too much.

2. There are 26 hours in every day, not as generally believed, 24.

3. Remember how you always used to say: “I wish I had more time to spend with the family?????

4. Actually my husband does know the location of the kitchen.

5. You can eat chicken five days in a row. It was proven this week at our house.

6. Google does not know if you have Corona.

7. Let’s face it, there does not come a moment in a Zombie Apocalypse movie when the main characters are running for their lives, and they stop for a slap and a tickle.

8. You can go more than two days without washing your hair. Last week I achieved a hat-trick. This week I’m going for a world record.

9. Remember all those things you said you’d get around to when you had the time? Piles of newspapers, magazines, last year’s Valentine’s cards, defunct pens, business cards, scribbled notes, not to mention over-stuffed closets? Still there.

10. No hand moisturizer works. The expensive one’s just smell better.

11. The mouse we’ve nicknamed Horace is back. It’s not so bad. We crave the company.

12. Without outside stimulus I can be very dull. Even my sister, an extremely funny, well-known comedy writer has been struck with the boring stick. Recently we have moved our once animated, bi-weekly, FaceTime conversations to almost every morning.

Here’s an excerpt: (Sadly it’s the entire conversation. I was just bragging.)

“I’m not really coughing, but I do have digestive issues.”

“I don’t think that’s a sign.”

“Hmmm. Hope so.”

“I walked in the park yesterday.”

“That’s nice.”

“It was.”

“We finally finished watching ‘Unorthodox’.”

“It was good.”

“Yes.”

“Well, goodbye. Speak tomorrow.”

13. At the outset of this whole lockdown business I thought there’d be billions of divorces. But now I think the opposite. Chained together like prisoners at Rikers Island for what seems like a life sentence, something like Stockholm syndrome sets in. I think in the end that most people are just glad that they’re there.

14. Last thing I learned was civilization, as we know it Jim, is damned fragile. So please take care of yourselves and each other.

TURNING POINTS from Crowd-Writing

a book by Shelley Katz

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