I KNOW I CAME IN HERE FOR SOMETHING

SHELLEY KATZ

A veteran writer reflects on junk, waffles, and the human condition.

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The Ninth Commandment

(Thou Shalt Not Bear falsw Witness) I’ve just served (if I do say so myself) a pretty great meal. I look at my husband in anticipation of a round of applause…. Silence. Jaw. Jaw. Actually, I didn’t just cook it, I marinated the hell out of that chicken, then sautéed, added chopped… Jaw Jaw. I prod: “So, are you enjoying the meal?” He glances up momentarily. “It’s great. All your meals are great.” Jaw Jaw Pointedly: “I was asking about this one.” (Oh oh, I’m starting to sound

Troglodyte

. (A Luddite is a person who isn't good with technology. A troglodyte is a cavema.) I like to think of myself as a digital kind of person. I love new gadgets. I’m excited about trying driverless cars. (Based on my driving they have to be a safe bet). I laugh at predictions about the future, Hey, I remember when they said that in twenty years there would be flying cars. And then they sent a new cable box. My husband is just the opposite. He’s been known to call me in Los

Enshitification

. Hi, I’m Amanda. How can I help you today? I need to speak with an agent. Okay… You can tell me what you’d like to do? Actually, it’s complicated. I need to speak with a representative. I see. You’d like to book a flight. No, I want to speak with an agent, a representative. Right, so you want to dispute your air miles Agent! Agent! Okay. I didn’t understand your question I want to speak to an AGENT! You can speak to me. I can’t speak to you. You’re a machine. I see. You wan

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TURNING POINTS from Crowd-Writing

a book by Shelley Katz

Out Now

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SHELLEY KATZ

One morning I woke to discover that someone had transplanted an older woman’s hands on my arms. I can’t say I didn’t have other warning signs – all of which I chose to ignore. But having been a writer for many years, my first instinct was to write about it. Actually that was my second instinct. My first was to close my eyes to it.

Though I started as a Madison Avenue advertising copywriter I soon went legit. I’ve written many novels including Alligator, Lucifer Child, The Shadow President, Family Passions and numerous screen and teleplays as well as producing for TV. The major theme in all of these stories was at least one dead body, preferably several.

However this year, as well as being production consultant on the movie, Stella, I also edited and wrote a story for a compendium of 28 writers true-life adventures, called Turning Points, which has just come out on Amazon. My story did not, for once, center on the Grim Reaper, but was about my life.

I am American and my husband is British and we look upon our rather long marriage as an attempt to forge an international understanding,

My mother, who was a very wise woman, said the only thing she ever learned in life was that four prunes are too many; three are enough. I’m still struggling to come up with a life lesson as profound.

TURNING POINTS from Crowd-Writing

a book by Shelley Katz

Out Now